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ETIQUETTE  of Milonga

Music in a Milonga (tango dance party) is set up with “tandas” and “cortinas”. Tandas are sets of 3 or 4 songs played by one orchestra. Generally, Tango tandas have 4 songs while Vals and Milonga tandas may have 3 songs. It is polite to dance a full tanda with one person.


However, if you begin dancing partway through a tanda you still end at the cortina.


Cortinas are the non-tango bits of songs that are played between tandas. The cortina signals the end of the tanda and is the time for the gentlemen to escort their partners to their seats and clear the dance floor.

The Cabeceo

The cabeceo is perhaps one of the most important codes of all. It is the way that people invite and agree to dance together. It is a system of mutual respect and delicacy. Gentlemen invite the ladies from a relative distance by catching her eye and nodding. If she would like to accept the invitation she will nod back. If the woman does not want to be invited to dance, she must subtly look the other way or not look his way in the first place. This system ensures that women are not dancing out of obligation and men are not having to have their advances rejected or feelings hurt. In the traditional milongas in Argentina, inviting a follower verbally at her table is considered an encroachment and often rejected out of hand.


Advancing toward a lady and nodding aggressively at her defies the whole reason and mutual consideration that is at the heart of the cabeceo. Make sure from a distance that you are requesting, not demanding and that there is truly a mutual desire on her part. Likewise, ladies, you can make your desire known by looking at the gentlemen you may like to dance with, but staring intensely or incessantly can feel invasive and defeats your purpose – again make sure you are checking in and requesting, not demanding. Once the agreement has been sealed, he will come to meet her at the edge of the floor closest to her table and the couple will dance the tanda together. At the end of the tanda, the leader will accompany her back to her chair or to the edge of the floor where they met. Leaving her in the middle of the floor is considered bad form.

Cabeceo Tips

  • Bring your glasses if needed to make sure you can see across the room.

  • If you are talking and not looking to cabeceo at the beginning of a tanda, you might likely miss dancing that tanda. Often we have men say that the women are talking and not attending to the potential invitations! You can talk and look.

  • Use the cabeceo at the beginning of a tanda (or during), not during the cortina. This way you know what music you will be dancing to.

  • Make sure you both make eye contact, then the gentleman asks with an upward questioning nod and she nods to confirm. Locking eyes is not enough to seal the agreement.

  • The gentleman then goes to her table maintaining eye contact across the floor. This further helps the ladies avoid confusion as to who is being invited to dance.

  • Ladies, it’s a good idea to not get up from your seat until you are absolutely positive that he is coming for you. Wait to be sure.


Rules of the Floor

  • The dance proceeds, counter clockwise around the dance floor. Typically, there is an outside lane and often a second and third inside lane.

  • Navigating in a peaceful, cooperative manner ensures that everyone is feeling safe and able to focus on their partners and their dance rather than having to spend their time protecting their partners from potential harm. The following protocol is very similar to driving on a highway:

    • Gentlemen, if you are entering the floor when people are dancing it is considerate to make eye contact with the leader that you want to be dancing in front of. He will make eye contact with you and nod his permission for you to enter onto the floor. This way he will know you are there and provide a place for you to dance. Ladies, leaders are considered responsible for your safety, so allow your partner to lead you onto the dance floor when he deems it safe to do so, not vice-versa.

    • The dance floor is a communal space. Gentlemen, stay aware of the couples around you. Take note of the speed that the couples are moving collectively and dance within the established speed of the floor, filling gaps ahead of you, while not tailgating the couple in front of you. It’s nice, if possible, to keep two steps behind the person in front of you. That way if the couple needs to back up they can.

    • On a crowded dance floor, stopping for long periods of time to do numerous dance patterns is frowned upon since it backs up the line of dance and generally frustrates dancers behind you.

    • We only pass a couple under extreme circumstances not as a general rule. If a couple in front of you stops, be patient and take the time to dance in place until they move. If they are there for a very long time then you can choose to dance around them if you have the space.

    • Refrain from cutting across lanes, weaving from lane to lane, or cutting through the center of the floor.

    • Generally, gentlemen never back up against the line of dance unless they have to. However, if necessary, to take a step back is OK provided the space is available.

    • Take care to not step into a neighboring lane or too close to the person dancing next to you. Everyone needs their space respected so that they can dance in comfort without feeling encroached upon.

    • In traditional milongas, showboating in the middle of the floor (or anywhere else) is not a particularly respected activity. In a social context, it is generally believed that tango is danced for yourself and your partner only – not for an audience. Social tangueros dance for each other and what they are creating. They do not diminish their dance by using it in the service of their egos.


On the Dance Floor

  • Talking in the introduction of a song is accepted. Talking while dancing is not. Dancers are expected to honor the dance by attending to the dance and the music, not to a conversation. Stomping your feet while dancing is likewise distracting and inconsiderate.

  • Dancing begins when the couple connects with the music and each other. Dancers rarely begin dancing as soon as the music starts.

  • Gentlemen propose the embrace as the signal that he is ready to begin the dance. Ladies wait for this signal.

  • Generally when you agree to dance with someone you are agreeing to dance the length of the tanda. That said, if you wish to stop dancing with your partner, do so by thanking them at the end of the song. “Thank you” in tango means “thank you, no more”.  Likewise, one does not changes partners in the middle of a tanda.

  • Good leaders always dance at the level of the follower they are dancing with. It is considered bad manners to dance above her to impress her, show off to others, or fluff one’s ego.

  • Teaching on the dance floor is strictly forbidden. It disrupts the flow of the dance floor and is considered a great disrespect to your partner. Not only does it establish power relations, but it generally ends up offending and hurting people’s feelings. A harsh or insensitive, but well-intended comment can ruin one’s evening. At the very least, it leaves your partner feeling uncomfortable and undervalued. The ultimate goal of the milonga is to create a pleasurable experience for all attending, especially your partners. It is respectful to provide a place for people to be able to dance their best without input. If you feel a need to instruct, save it for a practica, and make sure your input is solicited.

  • Never solicit advice, corrections, or teaching on the dance floor from anyone. Again, milongas are not the place for instruction.

  • No one likes being kicked, run into, hit, or stepped on, so avoid figures or movements  that can negatively impact people around you. Milongas are supposed to be safe places, so people can dance freely and comfortably. Please dance in such a way that you ensure that for everyone.

  • If a collision occurs, be polite and friendly, make eye contact and acknowledge the collision even if it was not your fault. If it was clearly your fault, apologize at the end of the song.


Off the Floor

  • When getting up to dance, dancers should be aware not to obstruct the dance floor or the path of others with their chairs.

  • Be aware not to obstruct someone’s line of vision. This is a frustration for those not dancing and trying to cabeceo.

  • If you are not dancing, show respect to those who are by not walking through the crowded dance floor or standing on the floor talking. Likewise, loud conversations and partying can be a distraction for the dancers. Priority is given to the dancers dancing.

  • Argentine Tango is an intimate and elegant dance. For a pleasant experience, good hygiene is essential. Bathe before dancing and use deodorant. Use breath fresheners frequently. Do not over do the use of perfume or aftershave – some people are sensitive to them. If you perspire, use a towel or handkerchief often. If you perspire heavily, use a towel, take a break and cool down, bring an extra shirt, and change into it at halftime. If you wear glasses, consider contact lenses or removing your glasses while dancing unless you can’t see where you’re going (they often poke into your partner’s head).

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